Whatever happened to real food?

I think it's time to step away from the political and get back to the kitchen for a while.

I've been thinking a lot about the way food is prepared and marketed these days. And about all the "new" foods that have been developed over the past years that were never around when I was growing up.

Now there is no doubt that I grew up in the golden age of new foods, aka convenience foods and fast food. But 20 or 30 years ago, most of the newer items on the supermarket shelves at least emulated real food. Condensed soups. Biscuit mixes. Pudding mixes. Cake mixes. Rice-a-Roni. Boxed spaghetti or macaroni and cheese. And even the "junk" food didn't try to hide what it was: Sugar Frosted Flakes. Sugar Pops. Potato chips. French fries. TV Dinners.

Somewhere along the way, though, they started getting sneakier. I noticed when I was in my 20s, maybe, that Sugar Frosted Flakes, although still represented by Tony the Tiger, were now known as "Frosted Flakes." Oh, maybe that is when they stopped using sugar and started frosting them with High Fructose Corn Syrup? Same with Sugar Pops. I think for a while they were called "Corn Pops," and now they're simply Pops. Or maybe it's the other way around. I never liked them, anyway.

And when did TV dinners stop being called exactly what they are? Now they are simply dinners or (kids') meals or sandwiches ... or even more ambiguously, Panini. I'm particularly intrigued with the ones that actually have griddle marks on them. Why? Are you supposed to pretend it didn't just come out of your microwave? I hate to tell you, but everyone knows.

Then there were the mixes called "Hamburger Helper." And didn't we all just love that dumb little cartoon hand with the annoying voice? Good thing we loved the mascot, because the food itself was pretty terrible stuff. I think originally there were three or four varieties--maybe cheese, stroganoff, lasagna, and something else. Eventually, they added "Tuna Helper" to their lineup. Even better than Hamburger Helper; you didn't have to actually cook the pesky meat, you just opened up a can of tuna fish, drained it (or not, I don't know), and stirred it up with the rest of the delectable delights in your skillet. Voila--Instant Dinner! Or, more accurately, instant slop.

Recently, the proliferation of foods and flavors and varieties have been been almost beyond comprehension. A grocery store used to be a big storefront on Main Street. I have a picture of my great-grandpa's grocery store. It had great big windows but other than that it bears very little resemblance to a grocery store (or supermarket) of today. Some stores like his used to have dry goods--i.e., fabric and maybe socks, underwear and millinery. Meijer, WalMart, and other "superstores" have taken that several steps farther and now offer every kind of grocery item you can imagine (and some you can't).

The other day I noticed on the grocery shelves that in addition to approximately 23 flavors of Hamburger Helper and several different Tuna Helper varieties, there are now a number of Asian Helpers. Don't even ask. But I have to say that I'm almost morbidly intrigued by the sheer volume of junk food that fills the shelves. And perhaps "morbid" is a very accurate adjective here.

At work, we often share our new food finds. Sometimes they have redeeming social value, but probably more often they don't. A couple of weeks ago, a co-worker brought in some new Doritos she had found. Now, I am dating myself here, but before Doritos were introduced, there were only Fritos ... and only one flavor of those. Just Fritos. You knew they were "corn chips," because of the little jingle, "Munch, munch, munch a bunch of Fritos ... corn chips." Initially, there was just a "dorito" flavor, whatever that was. And they never  identified what a Dorito actually was, either. But regardless, as time went on, we needed MORE. Because we were so hungry? Because one flavor (or ten) just wasn't enough? Or because Frito-Lay needed more profits?

Anyway, these new Doritos were called "Loaded Cheeseburger" flavor. I tried a couple of them. That morbid curiosity, ya know. Remember the blog from a few weeks ago, when I quoted the guy that said that our junk food is laced with something as addictive as cocaine? Fortunately, I was able to stop myself. But it was so amazing that you could actually taste the tang of pickles, mustard, and ketchup along with the cheese and of course the "burger." And a discussion ensued whether the chips tasted more like a Whopper or a McDonald's burger. Good Lord.

Well, there were probably as many "real" ingredients in these chips as there are in a Whopper or a Big Mac. Honestly. How long do you suppose the ingredient list was on these chips? What is the calorie, carb, or fat count on a handful of these chips? I didn't even dare to take a look. I don't think any of us really want to know.

Don't get me started on the supposedly "whole grain" Chocolate Cheerios. Or the cake mixes with the sprinkles added in, and frosting to match. There's at least enough fodder there for at least another nice long blog next week.